1. I have been too busy this month. Too many things on my plate and this week especially is a little nutty. I have gotten better at saying no to somethings a lot better. But part of the problem is that I have a wide array of interests. Lots of things I think are fun and exciting and interesting. Like sometimes I feel like the puppy in Up. That is constantly being distracted by birds. Add that to the idea that I like sharing. I think I have a creative mind and I get caught up on things or ideas or other stuff that is just weird that I’m thinking about and I am totally a dreamer. And then I get strong feelings of self doubt. I really liked what Brook White said on an instagram post here. This is part of what she says: ” You know, that insecure ugly feeling in your gut? That tells you you’re not good enough, that you’re replaceable, that you can’t keep up. That raging voice of self doubt egging you on to compare yourself to others. To compete. That voice that reminds you of all the times that you were told that you just weren’t that good. That you’re too much or too little. Yeah that. All day. I struggled to be a parent. To be present. To smile. Actually it started a few days ago. Feeling on edge. Feeling sad. I’ve tried to pin point it but im not sure I can. But maybe. Lack of sleep, likely. hormones, Probably partly. But really I’ve had this struggle most my life. I just feel too much and it exhausting. I work really hard against it…. I think it just comes with the territory of being a overly sensitive overly feeling person. It comes with being an artist. It just comes with being a human. Lots of Humility. This all might fall into the category of over sharing, sorry. I promise I’m not looking for reassurance cause I’ve gone through this long enough to know all the approval in the world won’t make it better, actually it can make it worse. It’s an inside job & one that can usually only be fixed at a spiritual level. but I say it because my goal is to tell the truth in life. ” I used to be way more overly sensitive but it’s something I’ve tried VERY hard to change. I’m saying all this to say that I struggle with balance. I’ve ALWAYS struggled with balance. Really in most areas in my life. (Including the bag of treats that I bought from Costco that I just can’t stop eating! ;)) And so I find it especially funny when people ask me how I “get it all done”. I’m not really a consistent at most things. (except picture taking of my family – but even that goes through lulls and peeks and maybe blogging.) My exercise, my scripture study, my laundry (oh shoot we have no clean clothes I must spend all day because no one has clean underwear), my paid photo shoots, temple attendance, bread baking, playing with my kids, really most things. I’m a bit more a feast and famine. And I’m constantly striving for consistency and then I get sidetracked by an idea I can’t get rid of. It’s good my good husband is patient with me and doesn’t get too annoyed when I’m stressed out.
2. I want to buy this Weaving kit so bad I can hardly stand it. Maybe Regan will buy it for me for my birthday?! 😉 And I’d need the tool set too. My mom did weaving and rugs and stuff when I was a kid and she has a HUGE loom now, but I’d love a small one. Especially to use when we drive places (and Im not driving) I like to do things with my hands. And this seems like it’d be the perfect thing. And really I’ve been wanting to try weaving for a while. (See #1 – another thing I am interested in… hahahaha)
3. I think one of the things about being too busy is that it is harder to live a life that follows the promptings of the Holy Ghost. I cannot hear what God wants me to do if I am always running around like a chicken with my head cut off.
4. Summer is just buzzing by. And I have so many things Ive been meaning to get too. And Im hoping to do a lot more of them this month of August with my kids. Less things on my schedule and more time playing.
5. The kids did do Swimming and tennis right at the beginning of the summer. I love having it done at the beginning.
6. Regan’s birthday is this weekend.
7. I really really love that I can go out into my garden and pick stuff. It’s REALLY awesome. And I love this shot Regan took. He was totally using leading lines and he didn’t even know it.
8. Speaking of lots of things that keep my attention, in the fall Im teaching a photography class. And part of me wonders if no one will sign up. hahahaha But then I guess it’s just off my plate if no one does 😉
9. Im feeling the scrapping mood again.
10. I love having people into my home. I had a group of photographer friends over the other night. We ate and talked and laughed and stayed up until 1am. And the next morning I was bleary eyed and exhausted and it was SO WORTH it. I love hosting. Love love it. And one day when we build a house I want my home to be built to entertain people! And then I’ll have a big house warming party for myself. 😉
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