Some corners you see coming. You plan for them and prepare. While others blind side you leaving you grasping for any familiar thing to hold onto; Looking for signs, warning that the sharp corner, that hit you, was coming. And sometimes corners happen at once. A double corner. Losing Kelly one week. Burying her. Sitting by her beside in the hospital. My only sister. My best friend. Death. And the next week being sealing for time and all eternity to Regan. My new husband. Marriage. A new beginning. My best friend. A corner I knew was coming, a step I had planned and thought of every detail. Except death. I never factored in death. Blind sided really. Completely. I still vividly remember the disbelief, the phone call from Brad. The stability of Regan. And the guilt. Lots and lots of guilt. Guilt about my wedding – the happiest day of your life. My desire to have the wedding of my dreams. With Kelly as my maid of honor and Regan as my husband. Two life changing events. Moments. Crammed into two weeks. One serious sharp corner. The after effects of both were considerable. Looking back now I see my life separated at this corner. This sharp division of time. My time with Kelly and my time with Regan. For a small time, I got to have both.
When I first saw the picture that Sean took of Kelly’s crashed car it took my breath away. Literally. It’s the smashed grey one. I look at it and see the crash but I also look at it and remember driving around in it. I remember my brothers each taking a turn having it be their car. I remember so many things about that car. And about Kelly.
I could be plagued with why. Why Kelly, why the week before my wedding, why only at 17, why didn’t she heal. The plain truth is I don’t know. And I won’t. Not until after this life. But the more I think about it and remember, the more I think the point isn’t why. The point now is how. How did I change? How did I grow? How I re-evaluated everything in my life. How it made me cling to me new husband and all my family. Did turning that sharp corner change my direction? Did that shape corner propel me closer to my goal? I hope so.
Each new day I need to remember where that corner faced me. What it brought into my view. Then I will know where I am aiming and with who. And hopefully where I am going.
Now go and see what my friends are remembering…..