Dear Norah,

It’s been two months. Actually it’s been more, but I just didn’t get around to sitting down to write yet. So here I am a little late. It’s just a sign of life lately. I am hanging on and completely overwhelmed. The swing has become a life saver. You sleep in it. With all your brothers and sister I was a bit crazy about sleep. With my routines and my plans. I thought it worked so well, until I got to Eli. From him on down I basically threw all that out the window. I would have NEVER used the swing seeing as it would have started a bad habit. Now I am just so happy you are sleeping some that I’ll deal with bad habits later. I’m taking what I can get! The past week you’ve had some good nights. Even with some 6 hour spurts. It seems most nights someone else wakes us up, but I appreciate that you are starting to sleep more.

Really lately I’ve been feeling frustrated with your nursing. I’ve never had such a frustrating nurser. I have tons of milk but sometimes you just won’t latch. It’s spraying you in the face and you just won’t eat. I don’t get it. And sometimes I find myself very frustrated. Enough that I have to set you down and walk away or hand you off to dad. I feel bad that I get frustrated with you but it just goes to show where I am right now. I know it’s not your fault, you’re a baby and your body is new and you are figuring everything out. I am trying to do that too. I think I’m learning that sometimes taking a breath is better. Stopping to pull myself together and then trying again. Really it’s a good lesson for life… so thanks…. i think.

Don’t let the pictures fool you. I really don’t get you dressed that often. More often than not, it’s pjs. We don’t seem to go out very often lately, so why? That’s what makes Sundays fun! Then I get to dress you up all cute. For Easter I got you a dress that matched Lucy’s. Well kind of matched. I remember when I was a little girl and my mom got me and Kelly matching dresses. I loved it and hated it. I love her so I liked that but I wanted to be myself. So I found dresses that had similar fabric but were different for each of you.

All the kids seem to be adjusting to you being around in different ways. Alden is helping out a lot more. He has realized that helping with Oliver is easier than helping with you. So he’s started doing that. Lucy is really just trying to wait until you are bigger so she can play with you. Eli is struggling. It’ll be interesting to see how your relationship grows the older you two get. He loves you but man is he struggling lately. He is emotional and pushing every single boundary he can find. He asks to hold you the most and is constantly kissing you. Today he tried to hold you with no hands. Good thing I saved you. Oliver is getting more used to your existence. I think he’s starting to accept you aren’t leaving.

Norah, your smiles make things so much better. Your whole face lights up when you see me and it melts my heart. I love it. You smile at anyone who holds you but I tell myself that you save your WHOLE face smiles for me. I love you little one. I’m trying to be a good mom. And I am loving watching you grow.

Love mom.